A PLEA TO TRANSITION FROM YOUR GOLDEN ERA TO A DIAMOND ERA
I pray this letter finds you in great health and an ever increasing state of eeman. I pray that as i scribble these few words in the Great Month of Ramadhan, the blessings that you accrue not only grants you Janna but Shields you (By The Mercy of Allah) from decisions or deeds that may harm you and us, your progeny.
Mama, if you can recall, for years, I've been making funny comments and giving suggestions about how I'd want my Nikkah to be. But as my mother, you've always taken it on the lighter note. I admire that spirit of making light of situations in you. However, sincerely, Mama, that's my way of telling you that i prefer a quiet Nikkah.
I've grown to like the culture by which you brought me up. And the culture of marriage among families. The culture that I believe, was adapted by the generation before you. The culture that I know you do not even know does not belong to you. The culture that does not define us, as Muslims.
I've sat at a short distance and watched how our families and friends have conducted their Nikkah. And i must say, it's a beautiful culture. From the day the bride is bathed and designed with henna to the day the knot is tied. From the moment the Imam finally declares "Agalamba, Ajalamba" (a signatory to being husband and wife) to the moment the bride is ushered to dance in our local reception "Ashiga Fudufudu" I've admired them all simply because it's a culture that reminds me of my root and its people or indigents. I've admired them all because i loved to feed my eyes with how the bride moves to the rhythm of the beats or songs played. I've admired them simply because the bride always looked radiant, if not beautiful.
But Mama, I've come to understand a few things as i grow and reflect. A simple Nikkah is often the best. Why? Because it relieves both couple and families of so much stress and so many evil eyes. Why? Because most of the brides I've seen have either exposed their sensitive body parts or been made to do so which otherwise goes completely contrary to the tenets of covering up that were gracefully imbibed in the Islamic Culture. Mind you, i know and understand that Islamic Culture is so different from Our Traditions.
Mama, as I write to you, I grieve. Why? Because, in as much as you'd want to revel in the feeling of praise for conducting my Nikkah by the community's standards, I believe, as your daughter, the standards that I choose as a young striving Muslim woman, should be of prime salience to you. Contrary to what you think "they" will say when you allow me to fully cover up on my wedding day, God in his infinite knowledge and Mercies, has made things easier for us so why bother?! Again, I say why bother about what they think or will say.
Ah well, Mama, I believe we're all entitled to do what gives us comfort. However, in all we do, we strive, no matter how difficult it is, to first serve and please our creator. Now, since you can accept for others to choose being exposed, fixing weaves, nails, eye lashes and what have you on the day they willfully decide to serve Allah under a man whose dowry they accept, why then won't you allow me to do as I please on my big day too?! Is it, a case of 'Different Strokes for Different folks?!'.
Mama, I simply don't see the difficulty in this if you prefer to please Allaah other than our community. I love you. I respect you. I admire you. Well, of course, I do so because you bore, weaned and raised me for years. And that alone should influence you on making things easier on me for my big day.
I'm sorry to be a bit blunt, Mama. But for what reason will you make me endure all these when all my life, I've been avoiding them. Remember, I'd never dance in "Ashiga Fudu Fudu". Not that I abhor it, but that has always been my nature. They even called me "Colloquial" or at best, "Too Knowing", remember?! Why then shouldn't I be just what "they" think of me?! If you can easily accept that others continue the culture transferred to you by those before you, why not accept my conditions as well?! I sure believe that, What is good for the goose, is equally relevant or good for the gander.
Dear Mama, please I know my sisters, (a lot unnamed), have cried about their wedding days and wished things had been done differently. As such, I pray to you. I'm on bended knees that you help me please Allaah and enter my new home without strife and with your blessings but by the unlimited Mercies and Pleasure of Allah. I pray you help me fulfill the obligations required of me by Our Creator. Please know that I'm not saying that you invite me to sin but I'm imploring that you help me do a better good.
Yes, God did not say we shouldn't celebrate a beautiful union if we have the means. Yes, he does not stop us from feeling good and looking gorgeous on our big days. But, He certainly puts an exception to those Rules. They should be done in His way taught us by The Exemplar Beyond Compare, Rasuul (S. A.W.) He prefers we do it without hurting ourselves via extravagance that may end in debts after the ceremony. Extravagance that we may or not have.
God's given us a beautiful choice, Mama. Let's not, stress 'us' with a host of community's wantons. You think they will make fun of or insult you if you grant my wish? As Allah expects of me? Ah! But they do that to everyone aai?! When one does good that disturbs them, 'they' insult him. When you do bad that pleases 'them', they insult you. But secretly praise you for firmly upholding the Principles of Islam. Such is the way of the forgetful one, man.
I implore you my Mama, I know you want the best for me. I admire and respect you for that and more. I know you lived and still live in a golden era but I'd love us to transition into a diamond one. One that brings us more blessings and less problems. I pray you understand me and do not take this the wrong way. I pray that as I sign off, this touches your heart and makes you increase your du'a for better offspring. Offspring that will respectfully and genuinely uphold the banner of Islam, In Shaa Allaah.
Assallaamu aleiykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh. Jazzaakilaahu Khairan, Mama.
Diamond In The Rough