When I got married, there was a lady who’d often give me advice whenever our paths crossed. I loved her. Truly, I still do. She was a funny person so naturally, she and I really bonded. She had a way of speaking about marriage that made it feel both beautiful and sacred. She was quick to advise on marital matters, yet she never spoke from bitterness. In fact, she spoke with excitement, hope, and humour. Marriage, in her eyes, was something to be nurtured with patience, wisdom, and self-respect.
She was young, married early, yet remarkably wise and grounded. She would remind you to love your spouse in every circumstance, to give your best as a woman, but never to lose yourself in the process. Especially not while sacrificing your dignity for someone else’s ‘foolishness’. Her positivity was contagious, and I always looked forward to her company because being around her felt light, reassuring, and uplifting.
One day, I visited her home and sensed an unusual tension. There was chaos. Subtle, but present. It wasn’t something I wasn’t privy to as she had dropped hints before. Still, I was surprised that the issues persisted, because hers was one of the marriages I had admired deeply. In an intimate conversation with others, she made a statement that caught me off guard: “Even if you do everything they ask for, they can still mess up and make you miserable. So just do your best and leave the rest to God.”
We all laughed it off because of the dismissive way she said it, but coming from her, it struck something within me. Months later, she confided in me how she had chosen to overlook certain things, forgave her husband, worked on herself, and tried to move on. Yet, the pain of betrayal never truly left. A few years later, that beautiful marriage I once knew quietly came to an end.
Growing up, I’d observed family talk about the uncouth and ill mannered behavior of one woman who they believed by ‘all standards’ had terrible character. Yet, she was married to an exceptionally kind and patient man. A man who adored her, endured her flaws, and constantly sought peace in his home by solving every trouble she brought. To them, she was simply not a woman deserving of such a fine gentleman. Everyone expected that marriage to crumble someday but somehow, till the time of writing this, they have lived what many would call a “happily ever after.”
From my little corner of the world, I have observed many kinds of marriages. Some chaotic, some calm and tender. Some heartbreaking, others so beautiful they make you fall in love again and again.
What I have come to appreciate is this: good marriages can end, and seemingly terrible marriages can last until death parts them. Every marriage carries something beautiful and unique within it, just as every marriage holds something capable of breaking it apart. While we often attribute marital success or failure to personality differences, upbringing, commitment levels, compatibility, or communication, the truth remains that the ultimate sustainer of marriage is Allah.
If, through our actions, we invite Shayṭān into our homes, we should not expect Allah to preserve what we are actively destroying. Marriage cannot survive without God. Never!
So when you hear people’s marital stories, when you read them online and form opinions, tread carefully. Be guarded with your words and mindful of your reactions. Think twice before laughing at someone’s marital ordeal, because you never know when it may be your turn. A marriage you cherish today can unravel in a moment you never anticipated.
And to those who fear marriage because you’re constantly surrounded by unhappy unions, where every story you hear is heavy, painful, or discouraging. Remember this: For every ten troubled marriages you hear about, there are just as many beautiful ones flourishing quietly. Healthy marriages don’t always make noise. They’re often lived in peace, patience, and gratitude. Don’t let the loudness of broken stories drown out the silent testimony of love done right.
May Allah place mawaddah and rahmah in our marriages, protect our homes from trials we cannot bear, and grant us humility, compassion, and wisdom in how we speak of others. Ameen.
