I’ve had only one major concern about polygamy and as the years go by, it keeps growing. Nearly 98% of the polygamous marriages I’ve witnessed or read about online seem to unfold in ways that are ugly, unfair, and carried out with little to no fear of Allah.
Time and again, I’ve found myself explaining to non-Muslims and even some Muslims, that a man does not need his first wife’s permission to marry a second or third wife. Islam does not require her approval. What it requires is truthfulness, sincerity, and the utmost respect when informing her of his intentions. And yes, sometimes that news is met with intense emotions, resistance, and an entire brouhaha about why he shouldn’t proceed.
But a man whose intentions from the very core of his being, are rooted in truly loving and fearing Allah will not be derailed by emotional storms. He will handle the process with peace, clarity, and integrity because obedience to Allah is never built on deceit.
Unfortunately, that’s where the real problem begins: when men are met with all the fire their first wives have; fire they knew existed and fire they never imagined, many often resort to doing things the wrong way. Some don’t even bother informing their wives at all. Instead, she is suddenly visited by elders from his family and told, only then, that he is already married.
And this brings me to the deeper concern.
I understand that women can become extremely adamant in their resistance to second or third wives. But before a man decides to simply dismiss what he calls her “tantrums” and do as he pleases, shouldn’t he look beyond himself and the two or three women involved?
For the men who go ahead and marry secretly, have you ever paused to look past your desires and reflect on the future you’re shaping? Have you ever considered the decades or lifelong enmity you ignite by taking one major decision without proper procedure?
How does it feel knowing you now have two or three wives who may find each other utterly despicable? How do you explain to Allah that, because of your lack of good judgment, honesty, and communication, you created two families that cannot see eye to eye?
How will you explain to the children born into these marriages why their mothers avoid each other like enemies? Why the atmosphere around “siblings from the other side” feels tense and uncomfortable?
At best, while you are alive, the children of these women will acknowledge that they share a father. But the moment you die, that’s when the real enmity begins. Passed down effortlessly into the next generation as an inheritance nobody asked for.
At the end of the day, Polygamy itself is not the problem. The lack of sincerity, transparency, preparation, and fear of Allah in practicing it is what destroys homes, shatters trust, and plants seeds of lifelong hostility. A man who truly fears Allah will never build a marriage on silence, secrecy, or shortcuts. Because what begins in deceit rarely ends in peace. If only men knew how much damage one hidden marriage can cause. If only they understood how deeply their silence can wound. If only they realized how long the hatred lasts after they are gone, perhaps, they would think twice. Perhaps they would fear Allah more than their desires.
Polygamy demands maturity, fairness, and God-consciousness from everyone involved. The man, the first wife, the later wives, and the extended families around them. When any of these qualities are missing, the entire structure wobbles. This is why the only polygamous homes that truly succeed are those where communication is clear, respect is maintained, and Allah remains at the center of every decision.
May Allah guide our men to uphold justice, guide our women to respond with wisdom, and guide all of us to approach marriage in whatever form, with sincerity and taqwa. May we create homes that are built on truth, not tension, on faith, not fear and in sincerity, not secrecy.
Because at the end of it all, every decision you make becomes a legacy for the next generation. Whether you intended it or not.
As posted on Facebook on 11th Dec, 2025.
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